Food drives all of my decisions. It is the reason I chose to play soccer for Emory University. An email started it all. Sitting in my high school calculus class, my iPad delivered a message informing me that the school of my dreams, Emory, wanted me to play for their women's soccer team. So far, a great start to senior year. Not only do I get out of applying to any other schools but also I get to go visit. I was flying in on a Saturday and flying home on Sunday, that was all it took. Saturday night the Emory women's soccer team had a home game. Before the game, the team did a bunch of weird and confusing skits and dances. They made me laugh because the girls performing looked and sounded ridiculous. I was confused by the jokes; I was not a part of them and could not understand what they meant. I did love the idea of having a fun and easy going pre-game but I was worried about the idea of standing in front of this same team in a year and it being my turn. How would I know what to do? Would I even be a part of the jokes? I was not even able to think about the idea of me standing in front of the team and making a fool of myself. I was sure I would not understand the jokes or be able to be a part of them in only a year’s time. The idea of embarrassing myself in front of an entire team did not appeal to me and was something I never wanted to do. Thank god it was game time and I could stop thinking about my future performances. I was sitting in the stands with all the parents. There were no students to be found. Emory won the game, 2-1 in overtime. After the game, we went running to grab dinner at Doc Cheys. Not the coach or the players but that one meal at Doc Cheys is what made me commit to the Emory team. I thought if I could go to this school just so that I can eat at this restaurant it would be worth it. Much to their lack of surprise, my parents believed that I picked the food over the school or team.
My first week on the team consisted of practice and games and missing meals. Obviously, this is not what I wanted out of soccer. The food is what brought me here so I assumed the food is what would keep me here. I was unsure about the team but I was looking for a reason to stay. It was our first home game and the team was pumped. We were told to be in the locker room 10 minutes early. This is when I remembered that strange set of skits and songs I witnessed when I visited. I was skeptical. I walked in, at this point looking more for a reason to get out than to stay, I did not want to witness or be reminded of the embarrassment. That's when the locker room went dark. The team screamed and I clung to the girl closest to me. Three of my teammates threw the door opened and started to dance. The room erupted into laughter. The song was rewritten to parody the coaches and the members on the team. I watched and laughed and realized I had been quoted. Not only was I witnessing this comedy but also I was part of it. I was not proud of the fact that my quote was “Can I go to the bathroom?” But it definitely made everyone laugh. I knew I was being laughed at and not with. That’s when I knew I wanted the team to laugh with me when it was my turn to perform. I decided if I was going to have to go up on that “stage” I was committed to making it count and being as ridiculous as possible.
The song ended and the lights went back on. We still had 5 minutes before we had to meet with the coaches. The locker room started as an intense room to get into the zone and ended as a “stage.” I was no longer concerned about the game or how I would play. I was waiting for my turn to be on the "stage" in the locker room. I wanted a chance to prove myself and find a place on the team. Soccer went from being serious and grueling to fun and new, like it was when I was little. I went from counting down till the end of the season to wanting to perform as many times as I could before the season ended. The team became a group of real people, who play soccer but still know how to have a great time. They were now girls I was able to relate to. Every one of my teammates could make me laugh when I needed it most. I know I needed to be a part of this team.
But being part of the team meant no free time. No time to go to frat parties or to Maggie's. No time to hangout in your room and watch TV. No time to study, except on a bus. This was a huge change. Is it worth it? Is it worth never meeting new people or going to parties or having free time? I needed to take the first semester to think. In the first couple weeks alone, I had already missed numerous parties and rushed to finish my assignments. I was exhausted all the time and feeling the stress of maintaining it all. I took a step back after one really rough practice. Turning off my phone and putting away my books for the night, I relaxed for the first time in a month. I took a long shower in those incredible communal bathrooms. I called my parents and all of my siblings. It became one night of no school, no soccer and just time to think. I still wanted to be part of the team and see what the year would be like. There would be no quitting or mental breaks for a while but I was ready.
My turn. No longer am I part of a joke, I am writing the jokes. If I could get this right and make the girls laugh I would know that I am officially part of the team. We had two away games, which meant long bus rides and late nights. But the skit came before everything else, before my work or social life. I was putting everything into my 10 minutes of fame. This had to be perfect because I needed reassurance that I had made the right decision to stick with it. It was time. On the bus ride to the game I sat contemplating the multitude of reactions this skit could create. From laughter to anger, I hoped I would hit the right ones. I walked into the locker room following a group of seniors, who had seen a ton of pre-game acts in their four years. This did not help my already dangerous nerves. Finding my group and going over the last few details with minutes before the game, I was more than nervous. I did not think I would be able to go through with it. I was about to make fun of the coaches and the seniors on the team. But I knew I was ready to make a fool of myself for the entertainment of my teammates. I was not sure how much embarrassment I could handle. I stood up and walked to the front. I gave my group the nod. And it all began. My heart dropped to my stomach as my hands started to shake. This was it. No turning back. I was anxious.
My 10 minutes were up. The room erupted with laughter. I took a bow. I got multiple hugs and pats on the back, a true sign of success. I had done it. I had stopped being an observer and was officially a teammate. I felt comfortable for the first time in a month. No second-guessing or holding back, I could be myself. The only way I could get to this place with the team was by letting go of my pride and completely embarrassing myself. But making me embarrass myself let me forget about images, the team’s and coach’s image of me, and just put it all out there. Soccer no longer was a couple hours of awkwardness. I could never be awkward around the team after my humiliating pre-game. It became a time to let go and have fun again. Sometimes I forget that it is just a sport with no affect on my future. I tend to take it too seriously. The pre-game changed that for me. I think it will continue to remind me that there is no pressure and no stress with soccer, that it is a great time to relieve my stress from soccer and being away from home. I started that game with a smile on my face and a fire in my belly.
The game ended and it was time to get back on the bus. This means it was time to get back to real work, schoolwork. I started walking to the bus and had tons of upperclassmen stop me to tell me that the pre-game was great and I had a big part to do with the win. I was so glad my humiliation could bring the team so much ease and amusement. On the bus, unlike every other bus ride, I had no time to do work. Everyone on the team wanted to laugh and joke with me and a little bit at me because of my skit. We turned on music and I got up and danced. We sang and told stories. I no longer just sat in my seat with my noise in my books. I was invited to be a part of the celebration. This was perfect. It was the mental break I needed. Music, laughter, and food describe the two and a half hour ride back to Emory. I knew this is how the rest of the year would be. If I needed to sit down and study I could but if I ever needed a break I would have the team. Every bus ride, flight, and pre-game could be my time to wind down and mentally relax. Soccer takes away a lot of free time but I had found news ways to make time. This could work. This could be exactly what I need.
The pre-game started as a thing of embarrassment and confusion. It became a moment of wonder and awe. It is now it is what defines this team as my team.
My first week on the team consisted of practice and games and missing meals. Obviously, this is not what I wanted out of soccer. The food is what brought me here so I assumed the food is what would keep me here. I was unsure about the team but I was looking for a reason to stay. It was our first home game and the team was pumped. We were told to be in the locker room 10 minutes early. This is when I remembered that strange set of skits and songs I witnessed when I visited. I was skeptical. I walked in, at this point looking more for a reason to get out than to stay, I did not want to witness or be reminded of the embarrassment. That's when the locker room went dark. The team screamed and I clung to the girl closest to me. Three of my teammates threw the door opened and started to dance. The room erupted into laughter. The song was rewritten to parody the coaches and the members on the team. I watched and laughed and realized I had been quoted. Not only was I witnessing this comedy but also I was part of it. I was not proud of the fact that my quote was “Can I go to the bathroom?” But it definitely made everyone laugh. I knew I was being laughed at and not with. That’s when I knew I wanted the team to laugh with me when it was my turn to perform. I decided if I was going to have to go up on that “stage” I was committed to making it count and being as ridiculous as possible.
The song ended and the lights went back on. We still had 5 minutes before we had to meet with the coaches. The locker room started as an intense room to get into the zone and ended as a “stage.” I was no longer concerned about the game or how I would play. I was waiting for my turn to be on the "stage" in the locker room. I wanted a chance to prove myself and find a place on the team. Soccer went from being serious and grueling to fun and new, like it was when I was little. I went from counting down till the end of the season to wanting to perform as many times as I could before the season ended. The team became a group of real people, who play soccer but still know how to have a great time. They were now girls I was able to relate to. Every one of my teammates could make me laugh when I needed it most. I know I needed to be a part of this team.
But being part of the team meant no free time. No time to go to frat parties or to Maggie's. No time to hangout in your room and watch TV. No time to study, except on a bus. This was a huge change. Is it worth it? Is it worth never meeting new people or going to parties or having free time? I needed to take the first semester to think. In the first couple weeks alone, I had already missed numerous parties and rushed to finish my assignments. I was exhausted all the time and feeling the stress of maintaining it all. I took a step back after one really rough practice. Turning off my phone and putting away my books for the night, I relaxed for the first time in a month. I took a long shower in those incredible communal bathrooms. I called my parents and all of my siblings. It became one night of no school, no soccer and just time to think. I still wanted to be part of the team and see what the year would be like. There would be no quitting or mental breaks for a while but I was ready.
My turn. No longer am I part of a joke, I am writing the jokes. If I could get this right and make the girls laugh I would know that I am officially part of the team. We had two away games, which meant long bus rides and late nights. But the skit came before everything else, before my work or social life. I was putting everything into my 10 minutes of fame. This had to be perfect because I needed reassurance that I had made the right decision to stick with it. It was time. On the bus ride to the game I sat contemplating the multitude of reactions this skit could create. From laughter to anger, I hoped I would hit the right ones. I walked into the locker room following a group of seniors, who had seen a ton of pre-game acts in their four years. This did not help my already dangerous nerves. Finding my group and going over the last few details with minutes before the game, I was more than nervous. I did not think I would be able to go through with it. I was about to make fun of the coaches and the seniors on the team. But I knew I was ready to make a fool of myself for the entertainment of my teammates. I was not sure how much embarrassment I could handle. I stood up and walked to the front. I gave my group the nod. And it all began. My heart dropped to my stomach as my hands started to shake. This was it. No turning back. I was anxious.
My 10 minutes were up. The room erupted with laughter. I took a bow. I got multiple hugs and pats on the back, a true sign of success. I had done it. I had stopped being an observer and was officially a teammate. I felt comfortable for the first time in a month. No second-guessing or holding back, I could be myself. The only way I could get to this place with the team was by letting go of my pride and completely embarrassing myself. But making me embarrass myself let me forget about images, the team’s and coach’s image of me, and just put it all out there. Soccer no longer was a couple hours of awkwardness. I could never be awkward around the team after my humiliating pre-game. It became a time to let go and have fun again. Sometimes I forget that it is just a sport with no affect on my future. I tend to take it too seriously. The pre-game changed that for me. I think it will continue to remind me that there is no pressure and no stress with soccer, that it is a great time to relieve my stress from soccer and being away from home. I started that game with a smile on my face and a fire in my belly.
The game ended and it was time to get back on the bus. This means it was time to get back to real work, schoolwork. I started walking to the bus and had tons of upperclassmen stop me to tell me that the pre-game was great and I had a big part to do with the win. I was so glad my humiliation could bring the team so much ease and amusement. On the bus, unlike every other bus ride, I had no time to do work. Everyone on the team wanted to laugh and joke with me and a little bit at me because of my skit. We turned on music and I got up and danced. We sang and told stories. I no longer just sat in my seat with my noise in my books. I was invited to be a part of the celebration. This was perfect. It was the mental break I needed. Music, laughter, and food describe the two and a half hour ride back to Emory. I knew this is how the rest of the year would be. If I needed to sit down and study I could but if I ever needed a break I would have the team. Every bus ride, flight, and pre-game could be my time to wind down and mentally relax. Soccer takes away a lot of free time but I had found news ways to make time. This could work. This could be exactly what I need.
The pre-game started as a thing of embarrassment and confusion. It became a moment of wonder and awe. It is now it is what defines this team as my team.